Masochistic Mommy

I am often asked: Why do formula feeders frequent breastfeeding sites? Why do they trawl through breastfeeding-related discussions only to declare that the process made them feel guilty? Why would a grown adult put themselves in this situation, a situation which is clearly triggering? In this post, I’ll explain the reason behind this bizarre phenomenon. I'm talking about the green-eyed bitch: Envy: noun a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck ( Oxford English Dictionary 2013 ). In short, formula feeders specifically seek out pro-breastfeeding stimuli because they are envious, or should I say, defensive formula feeders do this. Extremes of envy are not universal amongst all formula feeders, rather, those partial to defensiveness are aptly prone to envy. In a previous post ' How to Spot a Defensive Formula Feeder ' I described the tendency of defensive formula feeders (DFFs) to actively seek out contact with br...

In last week's post (get your butt over here y'all), I explained the self-serving mechanisms involved in mommy guilt: the ways in which guilt forms an addictive cycle. In this post I'm going to explain the guilt-triggering mechanism in more depth and - most importantly - suggest how to crack the cycle. Seat-belts, people! Let's begin with a radical consideration:  If you don’t want to feel a certain way, just don’t feel it . I know that’s far easier to say than to do, especially after a long time of forming habitual butthurt to certain things. Your brain has spent months, maybe even years, beating a neural pathway to butthurt, and you’ll need to retrain it. Let me explain.. The Voluntariness of Guilt We humans are happy to take full responsibility for  some  of our emotions no matter how unbidden, so long as they fit into our personal agendas (pride, love, compassion, whatever). We deny responsibility for others (guilt, envy, lust) due to the most self-serving of reaso...

Everyone loves Roosevelt's motivational mantra: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. It adorns fridge magnets and keychains the world over. But it seems, there is one group of people who don’t appreciate this sentiment. In fact, they argue exemption from it. Yup, I’m talking about mothers. For a group of people who celebrate so passionately their prerogative of choice, it is bitterly ironic that mothers are keen to dispose of this belief when their emotions are involved. “Stop being judgemental, I should not be made to feel guilty” is their mating call. It’s so common that almost everyone takes heed, lest they be seen as a kind of evil Morton Downey Jr. Yet contrary to what some mothers and stand-up comedians may claim, women are not fragile simpering wallflowers at the mercy of iron-tongued tormentors. They are not passive pawns pushed around by the force of others’ words. The image of the female as a boiling pot of feelings, a puppet to her emotions, easily t...