Masochistic Mommy

You see the world from your own perspective – of course you do. What can be harder to recognise is that not everyone else does. When you’re a child, most of the people in your world are focused on you most of the time. When you’re two, for example, you can scream when you’re hungry and someone will produce food for you. But that’s not going to work when you’re 20. Okay, so you’re thinking “No shit Sherlock”. But there are other ways in which we can all too easily assume that the world is focused on us when in fact no one is giving us a thought. Parenting is the mother of all imagined theatrical stages. We picture ourselves centre-stage, with all eyes on *our* performance. Either we think people are “breastfeeding at us ”, or a scientific study is a conspiracy to make us feel bad , or someone pointing out the risks of circumcision is spoiling for a fight with us. Such self-centrism is an easy trap to fall into. Yet part of growing up is recognising that other people might not have us in...

Around the world, some parents are high-fiving baby sleep 'trainers' for giving them some much-needed shut-eye. Typical newspaper headlines include: ‘ Sleep trainer cured my baby's insomnia - and saved my sanity ’ - The Telegraph. ‘ When Lullabies Aren't Enough ’ - The New York Times. ‘ Letting babies cry rather than rushing to comfort them is secret to longer sleep (for infants AND parents) ’ - The Daily Fail. ‘ Study highlights controlled crying benefits ’ - ABC News. Yes, without a doubt, controlled crying has benefits – for parents. Yes, controlled crying ‘works’. The baby does indeed shut his ass up and communicates less at night. However - and it's a big HOW-EVER - at best, this is because he has been trained not to do so, rather than understanding that it is night-time and therefore he must be tired and should sleep. Physician and legend  Dr Sears coined the phrase ‘shutdown syndrome’ to describe what may potentially be happening in this scenario. Shall I ex...

Babies are the largest group of victims on the planet. Don't believe me? Infants aged under one year are more at risk of being killed at the hands of another person than any other age group (Source: NSPCC 2014 ). You only have to compare the length of prison sentences handed to paedophiles and child abusers with those guilty of fraud to see what little value we attribute to children. It's important to recognise however that 'harm' isn't limited to such legal definitions. By restricting our understanding of harm to just the extremes, we condone and normalise other harmful acts towards children, acts that fall outside the legal safety-net. In this post I will focus on babies and toddlers to show how the mistreatment of children is a widely accepted and even cherished part of our culture. The burden to justify harming children lies on those who wish to conduct it, and justify they do. Each society usually has a list of the types of people who can be ‘justifiably’ mistr...